There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
