Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
send nudes
from the living room?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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