god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
