Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
