I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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