I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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