If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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