I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
