She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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