If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
