i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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