I am midnight drunk by noon
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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