my vag is so smooth its legendary
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
