I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
