i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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