its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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