someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
bring money and cleavage
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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