Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
