I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
