I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
