now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
