I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
