We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
