I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
