That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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