Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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