Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
