You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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