Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
