I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize