somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
