Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
