Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
