im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
