I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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