She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
