HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
