So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
