I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
