This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
