i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
being pregnant is like rehab
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
