The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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