One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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