that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
