Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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