Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
