I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
