Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
