That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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