I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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