We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't deserve a penis
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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