i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
