It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
