So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
