My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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