we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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