You just made me feel so damn special
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
