Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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