I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
