He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
