I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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