yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
