My nipple is on Facebook.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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