I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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