don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
