currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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