omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
