just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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