Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
