Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i've created a new STD.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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