Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
