Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
