hotel room ftw
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
