do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
