I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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