Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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