Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
