Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize