OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
