ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
