the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
