I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
