One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
