she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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