im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize