I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just fell off a train. Bad.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
