I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
