I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
