pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
