oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize