that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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